أصعد الحافلة وأرمي حقيبتي في المقعد الأخير، تجهز كتفها لي كعادتها لأستند عليه وأنام قليلاً أو أسترخي بتكاسل، مستسلمة لثرثرتها الصباحية عن كل شيء، وعندما لا أرد؛ تلكزني لأنتبه أو تسحب كتفها من تحت رقبتي فيتدلى رأسي فجأة:
-ركزي معي …!
أُغمغم بفتور:
– مركزة مركزة ما عليك …
وأعدل كتفها مجدداً كمن يُعدل وسادته للنوم، وأعود لوضع رأسي على هيئته الأولى.
نغيب عن بعضنا فور دخولنا الجامعة، تنشغل كل منا بقسمها ومحاضراتها وأحداثها الخاصة، ونلتقي ظهراً لتمسح عرق جبيني وتلم شعري وتحضر لي طعاماً معلباً نتقاسمه حتى أصل منزلي، كانت تهتم بي كما لو أني طفلها أو هي أمي، كنت معها أشعر أني حقيقية وأتجرد مني، الذي أتذكره جيداً أن قلبها وسع الجميع دائماً، وكنت أنهرها أحياناً أن تخفف هذا العطاء المفرط:
-احتفظي بطاقتك… وأعطِ بقدر
لتصدمني جملتها:
-بكره أموت… وهذا اللي يبقى!
تلعثمت واستسلمتُ لها، جفلتُ للحظة من فكرة (الموت) ظننت أنها مستحيلة أو على الأقل بعيدة، هذه المرأة يجب ألا تموت، دائماً كنت أتخيل أنها عندما تغادرحتماً سيكون هناك حدث كوني خارق، كنت وحدي أشعر بهذا فينقبض قلبي، في آخر يوم جامعي لي أمسكت بكفي، ضغطت عليها بين راحتيها بضع ثوان قبل أن تتنهد وتخرج من حقيبتها أسواره خرزية ذات لون قرمزي ملفت، استغربتُ من شكلها رغم بساطته، كانت أسوارة بطابع سبحة كما لو انها سبحة مصغرة، أدخلتها في يميني وأوصتني:
– إذا تذكرتني استغفري بها ليأتيني الأجر.
فاجأتني وشعرت بتوتر كبير، كانت كمن سيرحل من غير عودة، ضحكتُ بارتباك واحتضنتها شاكرة لأخفي توتري، وفي ليلة هادئة، أفقتُ على وفاتها، شممتُ رائحة الرحيل في النبات والهواء وفي ذرات الكون من حولي، تلمستُ سوارها القرمزي، تحسستهُ بروحي للمرة الأولى، ضممتهُ بصمت ورحت أهذي:
-أستغفر الله… أستغفر الله… استغفر الله.
بقلم: عزيزة الدوسري.
تدقيق ومراجعة: حليمة الشمري.
68 فكرة عن “سبحوارة!”
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