مأزق كبير ذلك الذي وضعتني فيه أمي عندما دفعتني للزواج من سالم، سحبت دثاري صباح يوم الجمعة وأخبرتني أنهم سيأتون هذه الليلة، دعكت عيني في محاولة للتركيز تمنيت لو أنه كابوس فينجلي، ظلّت واقفة عند رأسي حتى تأكَّدت أنني أفقتُ تمامًا ثم أعادت الكلام:
-سالم وأهله بيجون اليوم نتفق على الزواج، جهزي نفسك.
وخرجت مسرعة للمطبخ تسمرت مكاني في جزء من الثانية، كأنها سكبت ماء باردًا على وجهي ، كانت تقدم لي خبرًا لاتطلبُ رأيًا، قفزت ملدوغة ولحقت بها:
-أنا لا أُوافق.
تكلمت وأنا أحاول أن أجعل كلماتي هادئة ومتزنة قدر الإمكان، لم ترد علي تظاهرَت بالإنشغال الشديد والحديث مع الخادمة بلا اكتراث، عندما لاتكترث أمي بكلامي فهي قد حزمت أمرها، وكردة فعل بادلتها الامبالاه بدوري، أغلقتُ باب حجرتي وفتحت كمبيوتري المحمول وتشاغلت عن واقعي، جاء الليل سريعا، انهالت أمي علي بالشتائم عندما وجدتني على حالي كما تركتني في الصباح، وبدأ التوتر يظهر عليها، أصرّت أن أتبهرج وبنفس درجة اللامبالاة صمتُّ وأنا أرتدي قميصًا زهريًا وأطوي شعري للخلف، كنت أقدم اعتراضاتي بطريقتي الخاصة، كان سالم ابن عم وابن خاله في الوقت ذاته مما سهل على أمي ترتيب القصه ككل مع أختها أولا، كان شعار العائلة آنذاك (دهننا في مكبتنا) مسحت خالتي على رأسي وهي تتناول حبة من التمر مع فنجان قهوتها:
– يابنتي سالم ولد صالح وحافظ للقرآن ومع جماعة الدعوة الى الله.
ضحكتُ بعصبيه مكملة:
-أمنيته أن يموت شهيدا.
قاطعتها أمي محاولة تغيير مسار الحديث عن الموت إلى الزواج:
-الله يكتبنا مع الشهداء ياخيتي.
ثم حاولت توجه الكلام إلى ماتريده :
-ومتى بيكون العرس إن شاء الله ؟
ثم بدأن في التفاصيل، كان وجودي ليس له أهمية وهم يقررون كل شيء نيابة عني، لماذا لم يكن بإمكاني أن أختار ما أريد ؟ ومن أريد ؟ في الوقت الذي أريد! ، وفي غضون أقل من شهرين تزوجت سالم، كان ذكرًا بليدًا مبرمجًا على كل مايلقنه إياه المجتمع ومشائخه الذين يعرفهم، كان يكره أن أشاهد التلفاز أو الكمبيوتر، بعد فترة منعني من التسوق وقال أن صوتي عورة وأنني امرأة والمرأة عار وعليه أن يخفيني عن الناس، وأنّ علي أن ارتدي قفازًا دون أن يشرح لي لماذا علي إرتداءه! وإن لم أفعل فأنا امرأة فاسقة وزوجة غير صالحة، بعد سنه أنجبتُ طفلي الأول ومعه مزيدًا من القرف المفرط والإكتئاب، وبدأ غياب سالم يزداد، غير رقم هاتفه فجأة ولم يكن يتحدث في الهاتف أمامي البته، كان طوال الوقت يلعن الحكام الفسقة، والمسؤلون الفاسدون، والوطن وكل الذين لايفكرون في الجهاد، كنت أشعر بالمغص والتوتر طوال بقائي معه، كان نومه قليل ويصحو مذعورًا كل ليلة، وكان يجلب مع أحد مشائخه كراتين مغلفة بإحكام ويصفها في غرفة الضيوف الخارجية ويقفله بالمفتاح، دوامة سوداء غامضة مقيتة عشتها تلك الفترة، فجأة اختفى سالم وانقطعت عني أخباره ليومين وظننت غيابه ضمن توجهه الدعوي المعتاد، وفي مساء ال 8 من نوفمبر 2003_ طرقت أمي الباب بوجه ممتقع:
-سالم مات بعمل تفجيري غرب الرياض.
بقلم / عزيزة الدوسري .
57 فكرة عن “دهننا في مكبتنا بنكهة إرهابية.”
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